Dream Come True

Tonight was fun! and rewarding.

Back in April and May 2010, after being accepting into the nursing program, I had so many questions! I started my summer courses and made some friends - they too had questions about things were were told/expected to do before the start of clinicals. Information and rumors and half-truths made their way from person to person and we all kinda felt like we were expected to figure things out for ourselves - but fearful that maybe we were missing something important. At that point, we didn't have relationships or connections with faculty or staff that had the answers to our questions. It was frustrating. So somewhere over the course of the summer and into the start of my first clinical semester (fall), I began dreaming of how helpful it might be for new students to be able to attend a Q&A session with current or graduating students where we could ask our burning questions and they could share tips and advice with us! I dreamt of organizing something like this for the new students in 2011, but I knew I could not do something like this on my own. So instead, I focused my energies on going to Haiti.

Then in January of this year, the faculty invited students to consider restarting the student nurse's association and they'd need officers/leaders.To make a long-story short, I put my name in the hat and was elected Co-President of our student nurse's association. In the back of my mind was the hope that maybe this group would get behind the idea of a Q&A. And they did! and someone else had the great idea to do a Q&A for prospective students in addition to the newly admitted nursing students.

So TONIGHT the officers of our newly formed student nurse's association hosted a Q&A for prospective nursing students. We sent out an email to the entire college community and invited those interested in the program to come ask us questions about the program (actually they pre-submitted questions with their RSVP). We had about 30 attendees-a great turn out. Very manageable size group. I think about 25% of the attendees are awaiting news of their acceptance in to the program for next year. Room for improvement in execution, but overall I think the folks who came had their questions answered. We had our program director there tonight (who I like very much and who has been so very supportive) and she was able to address some of the application/admissions-type questions that we couldn't begin to answer with any authority.

In a little over a month, we'll be hosting two more Q&A events, this time for the newly admitted nursing students (they find out April 15). We are planning to put a flyer into their welcome packets (which generate a whole new set of questions!) I'm HOPING that by offering these newbies a venue for asking their questions, we might save the nursing administration from having to answer the same question(s) 97 times. So now that we've got our first Q&A under our belts, we can look forward to preparing for the new students!

It really is very satisfying to see this come to fruition. This semester one of the topics/discussions in our nursing dimensions course was about nursing activism and the unique opportunities of nurse's to effect change in policy whether it be at the national, state, community or workplace levels. It occurred to me last week, that my own frustrating experience as a new student gave me a vision for what could be.  And rather than allowing the status quo to continue, I can be part of the solution. And while we aren't changing policy or programs within the nursing program itself, we as a student group are able fill a need by reaching out and providing a hearty, supportive welcome to the new students by inviting them to come and ask their many questions.

I'm really excited about the next two Q&A's. I'd love it if these became a regular event - not that I will be a part of them... but I just think they are really that important.

Limbo and waiting is no fun.

Today in clinical, when my co-assigned nurse asked me if I was married, I told her I wasn't...and then somehow I ended up telling her my story of unrequited love. Okay, I wasn't that dramatic, nor is my story. But again, here's another person, who doesn't even know me, who thinks I should just tell this handsome, kind man that I like him and see if he might feel the same. But the problem is, it goes against every bone in my body - or at least the romantic bones. What am I afraid of? Well, rejection for one, but also I really don't want to embarrass him or myself (in his presence). And maybe I just don't want to give up my fantasy either. But I have got to stop living in this limbo land--which if I'm honest, feels like never-ending rejection because my heart wants what it wants.

I'm realizing life is short. Finally at 37 years of age, I'm realizing life is too short and too precious to waste pining after one man...but despite my attempts to walk away...my heart wants what it wants. I am much closer to getting up the courage to talk to him about it. I've started the conversation in my head a million times, but it's just so awkward. But maybe that's just what it has to be. Is awkward better than nothing? Is botching it better than nothing? Embarrassing myself for the prospect of love? Hmm? Or is this just desperation? Is this me not trusting God? Probably a little bit of both, but reality is, I have waited. So how does a person know it's time to move ahead?

On Sunday, Psalm 27 was read in the worship service. The last two verses of the chapter hit me over the head as I contemplated my frustration and heartache over this man: "I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!"

Wait. For how long? At what point does waiting become disobedient? When does moving towards someone become disobedient?  I believe it's a matter of the heart and my intentions. So my confusion continues. But I am closer to being ready to put my heart on the line for this man. He's definitely worth it...now it's just a matter of me believing I'm worth it too.

Spring Break

Been a crazy few weeks! But the end is near. Just got home from North Myrtle Beach, SC where I spent the past five days enjoying my spring break with family. Probably the best spring break I've ever had! It was so very relaxing and it was good to get sun and fresh air and to get away from the normal view of the inside of my house. Here are a few photos from the week...

I had no idea until this past week what my spring nemesis looked like. We went on a short walk one afternoon and I was noticing these yellow flower like things on some of the pine trees. Never seen them on a tree before...so I reach out to touch them and the craziest thing happened... they practically disintegrated into yellow powder that blew away in the breeze. Yes. Pine Pollen. This is the stuff that coats our cars in the spring. And I am so allergic. Thankfully I'm already taking my allergy medicine (despite risk of back pain---see previous posts from April/May 2011), so I wasn't adversely affected by the experience. Most of the pine trees in SC are covered in pollen, but for the most part the pollen is still on the trees. On the drive back into town, I kept looking on the pine trees here and I couldn't see them. I'm hoping that means we are still a couple weeks out from pine pollen season. It's been so warm (in 70's and 80's) that we know the pollen is coming!

One afternoon we went for a walk through a nature area during low tide. There were signs along the path and boardwalks identifying creatures and plants etc... At one point, we were walking along a wooden overlook and saw two signs in the same vicinity. Both are in the water below us. One sign is facing away from the dock- we assume it is pointing out something interesting (we can't read it) and the other sign (see below) which we can read says "Please stay on path." We aren't really sure who the intended audience is. Maybe a boat? Weird.

I'm a natural disaster freak. So before we had even parked our car at Broadway at the Beach, I was completely drawn to this structure. Fun huh? Looks like this building crashed upside down on another building. The inside and exterior are similarly designed. We didn't get too far inside as it's some sort of HUGE play area for older kids/teens/adults??? I'm sure my nieces and nephews would've had a great time had they been with us.

On Friday, we headed down to Myrtle Beach to see the goings on there and took advantage of the off-season to ride the Ferris wheel. What a beautiful day to do so. Spectacular views!

...it was so exciting that we caught my dad napping on the ride. haha!








Full week ahead, OB test (got an A on my Peds test right before break-yay!), working on an event for the student nurses association at school and back to clinicals. Wednesday I'm a student leader for our Peds clinical. That will be interesting...and thankfully no patient prep--just have to know about everyone else's patients!

Lots to do tonight (unpacking, laundry, school work..). Although I'm still in denial that school starts back tomorrow with clinical! Tomorrow I'll be in the NICU (baby ICU), so it's probably going to be a bit sad.

Gotta run.

P.S.  54 days until graduation (47 days until final exams are over).