Happy New Year!

Out with the old and in with the new?

I was reflecting back on 2011 and I realized that my trip to Haiti was THIS YEAR. Really? It seems like forever ago! (I never did post any pictures or post anything about my trip. Shame on me.)

One last semester of nursing school is on the agenda for the new year, as well as the NCLEX licensure exam. It's really hard to fathom that in less than 4.5 months I will be graduating and embarking on a new career. Time has flown by! Hopefully this next semester will fly by too! The focus this semester will be on Maternal/Newborn nursing and Pediatric nursing. Hopefully they'll be enjoyable and make this next semester enjoyable too.

What am I looking forward to in 2012?
(In no particular order)

• Graduating (in a little over 130 days!) and achieving my RN credentials this summer
• Turning 38 and starting my "Marathon to Forty" training (okay, more like run a marathon before I'm 40)
• Starting my first nursing job, being gainfully employed and putting money into savings! YES!
• Getting my '96 Honda to 250,000 miles!  (Already +220K)
• Losing another 25 lbs.

That's only my quick and easy list. I'm working on a longer wishlist that I may share later (i.e. kayaking and/or camping trip).

I do wonder if I'll still be living in my same community this time next year. I am concerned about finding a hospital job locally (Magnet status hospitals generally do not want to hire ADN's--and that's all we've got here). I guess I really should start thinking about where I'd be willing to move. South Carolina is an easy one, as I have many high school and college friends there. But I'll probably need to consider other parts of Virginia and maybe Maryland (where I know no one!). I could do Columbus, Ohio as my sister and her family live there (and it snows there!). I've never up and moved where I knew no one before (even in Liberia, I knew a few people before I moved there for a year). Could be a nice fresh start or it could be painfully lonely. Sigh. I do need to consider that my parents are aging, so it's unlikely that I'd move to Colorado or California or Hawaii. Hey, new nurses are needed everywhere (except here I guess). I could move to the Southwest, work on my Spanish and then move back to Virginia. I'm pretty neutral about staying local, so I think I could go just about anywhere. Okay, maybe not back to West Virginia. Three months was enough for me.

As it is, no location really sticks out to me and no specific area of nursing sticks out to me. Which in a sense makes it doubly difficult. I wish I knew one or the other as that would give me a bit more direction. I'm hoping that this next semester I will gain a better sense of what I'm looking for. HOWEVER... I should be applying for jobs now. Crazy to think I should be applying for jobs that would start late in the summer! Aarrgh. The other thought is that if I decide to stay local, and no job offers... I maybe going straight into an RN to BSN program and getting that done first. We'll see.

Well, I have a list of things to do before I head off to ring in the New Year...and of course a nap at some point! haha!

May grace and peace be yours in 2012,

Joy

That's What She Said

"We should all start to live before we get too old. Fear is stupid. So are regrets." --Marilyn Monroe

Yep. I have many fears and regrets. Especially in the area of love and friendship. It's primarily my insecurity and fear that disable me from putting myself out there. Rejection and loss are what stop me from doing what I deep down want to do but am too afraid. Years of not being pursued (not counting online dating) leave a girl to believe she's undesirable, mediocre, or flat out repulsive. Is it my looks? my height? my weight? my personality? Is there nothing about me that would garner a second date? an invitation? Dang- it's depressing. Kind and/or flattering words from other women do nothing to negate the internal beliefs that paralyze or disable me. Perhaps it's my insecurity or lack of belief in myself that others are turned off by?  I know that men often struggle with feeling like frauds or rather fear being exposed as a fraud. I think I have this fear too. Fear of Being Known, DEEPLY known, and then rejected.

I certainly can see it now as I pursue nursing. I certainly do not feel like a nurse, nor do I believe that I am one. I suppose it's the license that I expect will define me. But I KNOW that even when I pass the licensure exam, I will still feel like a fraud. Mostly because I will lack experience and won't have yet honed my nursing instincts. The piece of paper will say that I'm a nurse...but I sure won't feel like one for quite a while.

I think my mind needs to be rewired. At least in how I think of myself. It's not that I lack confidence-- as I have certainly excelled at past jobs and have KNOWN that I did really good work. I wish I had the confidence and belief/love for myself that would allow me to really put myself out there in full faith of my incredible-ness.  I suppose what I'm really waiting for is for someone to validate me. But I know better. That's  setting myself up for failure and misery.  But I'd say I'm already there.

Semester Four: Complete!

The semester is over. Actually it's been over (for me) since this past Tuesday at 11 am when I took my last final exam. I got a B in my Advanced Med-Surg course (disappointed) and got an A in my Pysch Nursing course. Going into my Med-Surg final, I had the opportunity to bump my course grade to an A by scoring an A on my final exam, but alas it did not happen. Studying for finals was so very difficult for a number of reasons, but I'm pretty sure that it was because I've been so tired, emotional spun and was just was not motivated to study. I'm just glad the semester is over and that I've got about six weeks to regroup and refocus.

Next semester is my last, so it will be an emotional battled again. I will have Pediatric Nursing and Obstetric Nursing (each four credits). Oh, and we'll have some sort of Nursing Dimensions course which is a hybrid course so it will not meet in the classroom every week. Thankfully the Dimensions course is only one credit hour and there are no tests/quizzes- only discussion board posts I think. Next semester is going to be a bit strange in that our Day cohort will be split between two different lecture days. Due to the limited clinical spaces for Peds and OB, they will be using our lecture days as clinical days. So half of the Day cohort will have lectures on Thursdays, the other half on Fridays. I suppose it's possible that someone could avoid having clinical assigned to them on Thursday and Friday and could choose to do their lecture classes on different days. But I'm thinking for simplicity's sake and saving gas/time, I will probably chose to do all my lectures on one day. Not ideal if we have tests/quizzes the same day/same week. We won't get our clinical assignments until early January--so I've got some time to think about it. I should drop an email to the lecture instructors and ask if they are coordinating testing/quiz days, so that we can avoid doubling up tests on one day. That would be rough. But nothing I can really do about it now... plus there's no sense stressing about it when I don't have enough info to know the reality.

So the day after my final exam I started my holiday job. I have no idea why I didn't wait another day to give myself a breather. Oh well. After my first day I was sooo tired. Walking around a concrete warehouse pushing a cart and collecting products for shipping is hard on the feet, knees, hips and lower back. Ha! Thank goodness they have the massage chair! Wonder if there are gift certificates for foot massages? haha!!! Heck maybe I should go for the whole shebang. Anyways, I'm working four days a week through early January. Last year my exams were earlier, so I was able to work almost a whole week more than I will get this year, but at least it's something I can put in the bank! Sadly, I think I may have to purchase another laptop before returning to classes in January. Not too happy about that. My laptop has been good to me. Bought it in 2006 as I was preparing to leave for Liberia. I honestly did not think it was going to survive Liberia (climate/theft), but it's lasted over five years and the average lifespan of a laptop is about two years (or so I've heard). I've been so happy with my Toshiba that I'm probably going to get another one. Definitely no Acers or HP's for me... I've seen too many Dell's with problems and I think Sony's are overrated. I guess now is the time to be shopping for one--with the holiday sales and "no interest" options out there. I hate to even start looking. I spent about three to four months researching and price-stalking the one I have currently. And to even think about getting it up and running by mid-January freaks me out a little. I think I'll also be buying an external hard-drive so that I'm not transferring everything over to the new laptop--just the pertinent files. I might also try to "clean" my current laptop and see if pulling off data and programs will help out the speed/lag problems I'm experiencing now. Guess my earnings from my part-time (artist) job will go towards buying the laptop. Sigh. I so need to finish school, pass boards and start a nursing job, so that I can start earning/saving money again.  145 days to graduation!

In other news...I saw him today. He and I were driving through same parking lot this morning. I was arriving, he was probably leaving the nearby gas station. He didn't see me. At the realization that was him (I'm parking my car), my  knees and elbows went immediately weak and my heart started pounding and I just got this sick feeling in my stomach. If I had been talking to someone, I probably would have been incoherent for a few minutes. Shock. So completely unexpected that it turned me for a loop. Since he lives primarily in another city, it did not even cross my mind that I might bump into him in town. I think that set back any small progress I'd made in my heart. Sigh. Maybe I should sign up for online dating again-- at least while I'm on a school break--to help distract me. I'm definitely not optimistic about potentials. Oh, I really don't want to think about that either.

Well, it's time for me to get cracking on some soup making. The homeowners are coming in tonight for the holidays, so today is the best option for making a mess of the kitchen (as opposed to when they are here). I'll be making enough soup to last me until school starts (I hope)--at which point I'll have another big soup making day. :D

Merry Christmas and may the peace of the Lord be with you.

Joy

No Chance of Survival

I'm stubborn. I've been painfully stuck. Heartbroken over and over from my own foolish notions of love and hope and dreaming the impossible dream.

In a moment of clarity and willfulness, I have taken steps to make it easier to get unstuck. To let go. To be free again. It was a scary, tearful moment. 

I unfriended him. December 9, 2011.

A small step, I know. But in that moment it felt like death. It's terribly painful to unfriend someone who you have held out hopes would move from friendly to something more. All those years wasted. My hope, my love, my desires wasted on someone who was essentially rejecting me. Unrequited love.

The shame is thick. Embarrassed now that others saw my weakness - my blatant denial of reality for all those years. Some tried to speak reality into the situation, but I was not ready to hear them as it was just too painful to hear. 

However in this moment of unfriending, there is fear. Fear because there is still a nagging hope. Even if there's 5% chance... I still hope.

I just want this specific hope crushed - with NO chance of survival. At this point, after all these years, I think it's the only way I can move on and heal. 

Long Weekend

Sigh.

After a long holiday weekend, WHO wants to study? I mean, really?  I had every intention of studying over Thanksgiving Break for my tests this coming week. I even dragged my books and laptop to Ohio. I probably only managed 3 hours in the car on the way up. And even that wasn't that fruitful. I was just having too much fun with my family that I was not going to sequester myself away to study and miss out on all the fun. No way!  My parents and I pulled into their driveway yesterday afternoon (after 7 hour drive from Ohio) and I stayed to watched the second half of the Virginia Tech/UVA game (Go Hokies!). Afterwards I drove home, but was not in the mood to study, so  instead I popped in a 2 part Hallmark Movie. I watched the first part and then went to bed. I had big hopes of getting to the gym and to church this morning with school work all afternoon, but alas, I skipped the gym and did get to church where I bumped into friends and we went out to lunch. Then of course I needed to finish Part 2 of the movie. haha. So much for getting any studying done this weekend. So here I am AGAIN. Procrastinating. I guess tomorrow I'll spend the day cramming for the Psych test on Tuesday morning. Then I'll spend the rest of Tuesday and all day Wednesday cramming for the Med-Surg test on Thursday. The Med-Surg test might kick my butt-seeing as it covers topics of Renal Disorders, Burns and Shock and it felt like we RAN through the material in class...I sure hope I absorbed some of it.  But thankfully clinicals are over-so the time I'd normally be in clinical, I'll be spending that time studying for lecture tests.

On Thursday (Thankgiving morning) my sisters and I went for a 5 mile run together. My mom and one of my brother-in-laws came along too-- but they did their own thing while the sisters ran together. I have not run in ages, but I was able to keep up--which was a nice surprise! But boy, did I wake up sore the next morning! Today is the first day I haven't groaned going down stairs. So I guess despite regular elliptical and cycle use at the gym, my running muscles have been neglected. So I'm thinking I will be adding running back into my gym work-out. Maybe one day a week. However, once I graduate in May, I'll be starting back to running more regularly and will be making a plan for my first marathon (goal is before I turn 40). Even though my leg muscles are much happier today, my lower back is a bit unhappy. Not sure if it was the running OR if it was because I was sleeping on an air mattress while in Ohio. Hopefully it will calm back down once I get back to the gym.

Oh, I almost forgot. Remember the contest at the gym? 8 pounds in 8 weeks? Well, I did it! Yay! So I'll be getting my $20 back and hopefully more $$. I ate VERY well over Thanksgiving weekend - so I'm sure I gained back a few pounds. Haha! But back to the gym this week.

It's the Little Things

There's nothing more satisfying to a nursing student than marking days off in the final month of the semester. This week, I got to cross off a couple things.

1. Monday: Psychopathology paper turned in.
2. Tuesday: Last clinical prep for Med-Surg.
3. Wednesday: Last Med-Surg clinical (yay!)
4. Thursday: Last lecture for Med-Surg

As of today, I have one remaining Psych clinical day (Monday), two more Psych lecture days, Test 3 in both Psych and Med-Surg (lecture tests) and then Final Exams in both Psych and Med-Surg. 

My hope had been to start working through the Study Guides yesterday - in hopes that I'd have them ALL (for Psych and Med-Surg) ready, so that I can take them with me to my Thanksgiving destination for reviewing and studying. After Thanksgiving, I have Test 3 in both Psych and Med-Surg... so rather than working on the Study Guides during thanksgiving, it would be better to have them done so that I can actually STUDY them. I'm sure I'll still drag my textbooks with me (just in case I need to look something up), but it's nice to be able to sit and read my study guides and powerpoints from lecture. Plus having Study Guides completed, I can take them with me to the gym easily.

HOWEVER, last night I stayed with a friend's dog overnight while they were out of town and I woke up with sneezing and runny/stuffy nose. My hope had been that it was just allergies from the dog- as it's been a long while since I've stayed with a long-haired dog. But I left the house this morning (cancelled work) and went home straight to bed. Took an antihistamine and a decongestant and been sucking on zinc lozenges. I'm pretty sure I'm dealing with a cold - and not allergies. If it was allergies, I think just removing myself from the situation would have been enough. It's for sure that I've not been getting adequate sleep for the past semester. Between long nights of clinical prep and papers due and getting up early and going to the gym...I'm lucky to be averaging 6 hours of sleep a night - if that. And I can also see where I've been getting a bit more sugar than I normally do - specifically increased Hot Chocolate!!! And on Wednesday I had 2 tall glasses of lemonade when our clinical group when out to eat. Plus I think my immune strength naturally dips at the beginning of my menstrual cycle. So the stars aligned, as they say, and I got sucker punched. I'd say this is probably the best weekend for me to get sick since I don't really have anything pressing or due and I don't have to be anywhere. 

However it's a bummer to be going into the Thanksgiving holiday knowing I may end up coughing and feeling a bit miserable. But hey, perhaps since I started this thing today...that by Wednesday I'll be feeling a lot better. Hopefully the zinc will cut the cold. Also, my chiropractor suggests breathing in/out of nose while having a blowing hairdryer (on warm setting) pointed at nose for 2-3 minutes several times a day (another site said 20 minutes each time). It really did make my nose feel better for a while. I also remembered that earlier this year, when I was suffering with allergies, I purchased, but never used, a NeilMed Sinus rinse system (similar to the nettipot). So this afternoon I pulled out the directions and tried it. Not a bad experience...just new...will take time learning to use it. I know people who SWEAR by saline rinses. And after having used it, my nose has remained clear for the past hour. They say you'll find benefit to use it twice a day, but that you can use it more than twice, but might not find anymore improvement - perhaps just comfort. Hey the comfort factor alone makes it worth it! I think the biggest thing I need to do is to chug water/fluids and that will hopefully keep things out of my chest/lungs.

I had planned to get up early this morning and head to gym before work, but I slept through my alarm and then woke up feeling crappy. Tomorrow is my weekly weigh-in for the weight loss program at my gym. The contest that I'm in (8 pounds in 8 weeks) ends next Wednesday before Thanksgiving. I've been doing okay, but been a little behind my goals each week. But last weigh in, put me at exactly 6 pounds lost in 6 weeks--which you'd think would have me on target. BUT because I'm a Saturday weigh-in, this contest is really only 7.5 weeks for me because it ends before Thanksgiving. So, my plan had been to step up my workouts and see if I could pull it off. I had even gone so far as scheduling 2 hour workouts this weekend - instead of just one hour. But now that I'm sick, it looks like I'll miss my workout for today completely. It doesn't help that I've been PMS-eating this week either (despite my goal to eliminate unnecessary snacks). When I'm sick, I don't have much of an appetite (especially when sucking on zinc lozenges!) so perhaps that will counter my lack of exercise? I'm kinda feeling like there's no chance I'm going to make the 8 lb. goal on Tuesday - when I do my final weigh-in before leaving town. But I'm not going to give up. There's still a chance!! Would love to win some $$ (split among those who make the 8 lb goal), and of course will be glad that I worked hard to lose 8 lbs. However, I'm definitely going to chill out and give my body a break after this contest. The stress of school, little sleep, and working out so much - are likely why my immune system crashed. My body's way of saying "Hey you! Chill out!"  

I won't drop work-outs all together, cause that would be stupid, but may drop back to only three cardio days a week, instead of four. And I might take a hiatus from my beloved aquatic classes so that I can get an extra hour of sleep those mornings--especially once the semester ends and I'm not heading to class those days. Once the semester ends, I'll be working four days a week at the distribution center job over Christmas break- which will have me walking/climbing ladders for 8 hours a day. So... just so long as I stick to taking my lunch to work with me (and not eating out - which is fun to do with the seasonal hires) and get four workouts in a week, I'll probably continue to lose slowly or at least maintain. Maybe I'll find that I'll lose more, as perhaps I've been over doing the workouts? We shall see.

Since I didn't work on Study Guides last night (instead I went and helped out with an activity for first year nursing students) and I haven't done anything but rest today, I think I'm going to pop a movie in and start working on Study Guides tonight. And get to bed at a decent hour tonight (if I can sleep after napping for 4 hours today). Depending on how I'm feeling at 6 am, I might get up and go workout, otherwise I'll sleep in and just go to the gym for my weigh-in and maybe a late work out. 

Until Later,

Joy

Grateful

This afternoon in our Psych post-conference started noticing slight changes in my vision field. Yep, migraine with aura. It takes a while for the visual symptoms to pass, so I endured post-conference discussion and then hung around awhile after everyone else left. My clinical instructor, who also has an evening clinical group tonight, hung around and we chatted a bit. At one point she asked me something like "So, how has this semester been for you?" I further clarified that she was talking about our Psych clinical and not second year in general. I stopped and thought and replied, "It has made me so grateful." At which point the waterworks started. Not sobbing, but you know that point where every choked word is punctuated by fresh, hot tears?


This pysch nursing clinical has been so different from every other clinical. We aren't dealing with medical issues like we see in our med-surg clinicals. The acute needs we are seeing are primarily psychiatric. I have read and heard such heart-breaking histories of abuse, alcoholism, drugs, rape, homelessness, and jail. I can't help but be grateful for my sheltered, stress-free childhood where love was the theme for both good days and bad days. Punishment and consequences were love-oriented and never abusive or absent. And my choices in life have reflected that for the most part.


For the past ten to fifteen years, I've often looked back and wondered impatiently why my hopes, dreams for my life did not work out as planned or expected. But today I am just simply grateful. I have a good life, a VERY good life. Relatively unmessy and uncomplicated. My family is supportive, loving and healthy- not without our moments, of course. And even though I still have unmet hopes and dreams, these have become less big and less painful in the light of the stories I have heard and read about this past semester. I am counting my blessings. 

Relieved

Okay, so my last post was full of whining and complaining (probably a bit of PMS)...but I am happy to report that I did NOT receive two patients to prep for. Other folks in my clinical did. Now I'm wondering if she'll try to throw two patients at me next week (our last clinical day). Hopefully not as we ALL really want to have an easy day that includes leaving floor early and enjoying lunch as a clinical group (tradition). I think tomorrow we are going to revisit next week's lunch plans with our clinical instructor.

Anyways, I'm REALLY hoping and expecting to get to bed at a decent hour tonight! Yes!

Still Hanging In

Things are crazy right now, that's why I haven't posted lately. Written assignments, tests and more written assignments are keeping me busy. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Only two med-surg clinical days left. Actually, I should say, two clinical PREP days left -one of which is tomorrow. Prep days are the worse. Caring for patients...so much more enjoyable then prepping for them. Last week I was assigned two patients. The prep was ugly and I got about an hour of sleep. Not fun. Not right. But it's over. Or so we thought. Everyone in my clinical has been assigned two patients (half one week, half the other). Last week my clinical instructor told us she'd be randomly assigning double patients to some of us (again). NONE of us want it the first time, because NONE of us want the extra paperwork and the sleep deprivation and the repercussions of no sleep that continue to affect us (or at least me) even two days later. The stupid part about all of this is... that having two patients was apparently not required, but my clinical instructor REQUIRED it. And we were also told that our two patients would be non-complicated. Yeh, right. I'm on a cardio-thoracic post-surgical floor. Of course they are going to be complicated! The course coordinator even told her clinical group to let her know if they wanted two patients and doesn't seem like she will be requiring her group to do two patients. Well, I'm pretty sure our clinical group is NOT the envy of anyone else. It sucks.  Last week, caring for two patients wasn't a big deal and even having to give meds for one of them wasn't a big deal...but doing the prep just made me want to shout obscenities and to whine and complain. But I didn't. I sucked it up and was a big girl -- despite wanting to complain endlessly.  But if I get assigned two patients tomorrow, I think I might just have to go to my clinical instructor and say, "I'm sorry, I respectfully decline. I simply cannot have another night of no sleep. Last week's sleep deprivation made it difficult to prepare adequately for my other classes and do my other classwork. Two patients are not being required of any other clinical groups, and if it looks poorly on me that I'm requesting to prep for only one patient, then so be it. There's also the "do no harm" aspect. I'm not sure I can properly care for my patients on one hour of sleep."  Thank you very much.

Don't get me wrong. I am NOT trying to wiggle of extra clinical work. I don't mind caring for two patients. It is all about losing sleep b/c I'm up prepping for two patients. I have learned so much from my clinical instructor this semester. She really knows her stuff...and that's what I WANT in a clinical instructor. But requiring us to do extra when none of the other clinical groups are being required, really is unfair. And not right. Those folks are more rested going into clinical. They have the energy to do homework and prepare for lecture the next day, they might even go to the gym.  On Tuesdays I get up about 5:30, get my crap together and go to the gym before lecture...then I'm up all night prepping...then head to clinical with maybe an hour of sleep. I am wasted come 2:30 when we leave clinical. Let's see, how many hours have I been up? Maybe 33 hours with one hour of shut-eye. Who can manage to go read a text book after that? Mercy. I end up crashing for a couple hours, then get up and evaluate my careplans and meds and do self-evaluation of my day for a few hours...and then back to bed. Last week I even slept through my alarm for my Thursday morning aquatic class. Boo!

So needless to say, I'm not going to be happy if she assigns me two patients tomorrow. And it will take everything within me to not go to her and attempt to decline. I really wonder what her response would be if I ask her to only assign one patient. The struggle is that I actually LIKE this unit (compared to my other clinical experiences) and might consider applying to work there and in that case, it would only make sense that I ask her to be a reference. But I'm completely TORN. How can I decline second patient and still maintain my clinical instructors "respect" to get  a good recommendation/reference - at least as much as is possible for a nursing student.

Tomorrow I will get last week's paperwork returned, so we'll see by her grading if she's ticked off at those of us who followed the course coordinator's instructions for prepping for second patient). Last week she wasn't particularly happy with us -- but perhaps she's since gone back to the coordinator to get clarification. If had done as she'd asked, I'd still not have finished-and would not have gotten that one hour of "sleep".

Tomorrow will be a long day regardless of whether I'm assigned two patients or not. I'm considering skipping my aquatic class to go vote. Otherwise I have to get up extra early to vote. Sigh.

In good news... I got a 98 on my my most recent test. I have no idea how that happened. Honestly did not even hope for that. I was hoping for low A, high B.

So the REALLY good news is, that I only have to survive Med-Surg clinical prep and clinical this week and next and then that will be over. I only have two Psych clinicals left (last one is the Monday before Thanksgiving). It's always REALLY nice to have clinicals done and to be able to focus on studying for Test 3 and Final Exams. Getting close.

One last gripe. Typically on the last clinical day of the semester, each clinical group with their instructors will head out early and go out to eat for lunch. It's been this way for every clinical I've had. However when we mentioned this to my Med-Surg clinical instructor (who is a first-time clinical instructor for my program) did not seem like she was aware of this tradition or else does not support this. It was like she plans for our last clinical day to be like every other clinical day. She said we could possibly bring lunch to the unit. Um, yeh. NOT! Are you kidding me? I think she was more concerned with the fact that she is planning to work the 3-11 shift AFTER our clinical. In my head, I'm thinking, "um, this is NOT about you...it's about us, about celebrating survival of another clinical semester! It's about being social and enjoying spending time outside the clinical setting."  She graduated from our nursing program about 5-7 years ago, you'd think she'd remember what it was like? I dunno. I think there's some pride issues going on and a desire to prove how bad-ass she is.    It doesn't help that she's a clinical instructor for us on the same unit that she works everyday (although in other ways that IS a benefit!)  I really wish she'd let down her hair, so that we aren't always pulling out our hair.

Okay, enough said.

Probably said too much.

But I'm venting.

You get that, right?

It's That Time of the Semester

Things are crazy busy and I think that's going to be the general theme until Thanksgiving (clinicals will end). Not sure I'll be writing much here due to needing to stick to priorities.

On the good side. I've remained sick-free despite a house guest who got strep while she was with me, AND last week the twins of my artist boss were home sick with the vomits. However, I did accidentally tear/rip off fingernail right at the top near cuticle. It's red and sore! Thank goodness my mom gave me some antibiotic ointment for it (that expired in 2008). Hopefully my finger won't fall off.

My second Nurse-Client Interaction is due this Monday (Psych clinical). HATE writing these up. Then Psych Test on Tuesday. And on Tuesday, I'll be prepping for not one, but two patients for Wednesday's clinical. Think it will be good to have two patients. Challenging for sure! But the paperwork might just kill me, if we have to do double paperwork. It already takes me 8-9 hours to prep for one patient (believe me, it's a ton of work), but how do you find another 8 hours and still get sleep? Bleh. Not looking forward to Tuesday.

And in other news... right now it's snowing about an hour from here. Tonight driving home from campus, I'm pretty sure that I saw flakes mixed in with the rain. Crazy early to be having snow! Wow. But I love the idea...even if we aren't getting any accumulations. I'm hoping for a lot of snow this winter, but only during my holiday break!!!

Cheers.

Neuro-tastic!

After weeks and weeks of neuro lectures, we are finally being tested on it!

As I write, I'm having an episode of my intermittent "flash headaches" -- which are MY term for these strange little quick bursts of pain in my skull that come and go intermittently with no explanation. Often will have several "flashes" within an hour and then they disappear for weeks. Maybe it's linked to my hormones. Hmm? Well, after studying neuro and all things brain-oriented, I'm a bit more paranoid. Granted I'll be paranoid after the renal section too! It's just the nature of the nursing school beast.  I'm actually very grateful for how healthy I've been while in school. I've never missed a clinical day due to being ill. I think my very first clinical day ever, I was coming down with a cold. But NOTHING since then. Um, maybe I should not have said anything. Don't want to be jinxing that! I think largely my healthy status has been thanks to living alone. No one else to drag home germs and leave them in dubious places for me to pick up. I also think kissing is also probably linked to germ transmission (ya think?)...and I'm not kissing any cute little faces or a handsome masculine one... So being single certainly does have its perks.

Like I said, Med-Surg neuro test tomorrow. I spent all of Fall Break getting my lecture notes typed up and completing my 4-part study guide and going back and reading the text when my lecture notes weren't making any sense.  On Monday, I spent about 90 minutes at the gym studying. And tonight, I spent another 120 minutes. As mentioned in a previous post, I'm not only able to stay awake while studying, but I'm burning calories too. Win-win.  But I'm also in this silly contest at my gym to lose 8 lbs in 8 weeks (the 8 weeks prior to Thanksgiving).  Sadly, I had a big weekly loss right before the start of the contest, so my body is not really all that interesting in losing. Only 0.9 lbs in 2 weeks is rough when I need to be averaging a pound a week. Oh well, I'm keeping at it and not giving up. Maybe I'll have another couple big losses to carry me? So the timing of my tests over the next few weeks, might be what I need--especially if I still with the gym-study method. haha.

Oh, Simulation Day wasn't that big of a deal. It was fun, helpful and I wish we could it more often. In clinicals (our real-life experience) 99% of the time we've got stable patients that we are assigned to. It's nice to be thrown into some complicated, de-sating patient scenarios to get us thinking! I'm not saying that today was easy content, but learning from our peers and from the scenario is helpful for embedding information into our brains. I understand that the nursing program also has a pregnant "dummy" that gives birth. How cool. I hope we get to utilize this next semester.

Tomorrow after lecture (and test) I'll be spending some time with a First Year Nursing Student in the same program I'm in. They've started a mentoring program for anyone wishing to be mentored. I of course was wishing for this last year, so it's good to be a part of the solution. So tomorrow is a "get to know you" and a chance for her to ask some burning questions. Our plan is to head out on a beautiful, local walking path near the campus. Chance to de-stress after my exam, get some exercise (again!) and help a fellow nursing student out! Win-win-win! I'm hoping the sun will come out and dry up all the rain we've had. I'm expecting the colors will be beautiful along the trail! Yay!

Well, I need to get my stuff together for tomorrow, do a final look through of notes and head for bed.

Cheers.

It's Fall Break!

...but that doesn't really mean much when you've got Test 2 in Med-Surg coming up this week. Neuro is the topic of choice this time.

But Fall Break always signals that we've made it half way through fall semester, which does bring a little joy. My clinical mates and I have been counting down clinical prep days for weeks now. The semester doesn't end until mid-December when we have exams, but clinicals end before Thanksgiving!  So we are definitely past the half-way mark in terms of clinicals. Let's see... 5 Psych clinical days left and four Med-Surg clinical days and prep days left. This week, due to Fall Break, we won't have a clinical day at the hospital on Wednesday. Instead we'll be heading to campus for a Simulation Day. The instructors have designed "stations" for us to rotate through with scenarios. Sounds fun, but a little nerve wracking too (and certainly opportunities for embarrassment). From my understanding, each clinical group (nine nursing students) will work through each station/scenario with our clinical instructor. Sounds like a bad episode of Grey's Anatomy. Thank goodness we aren't surgeons! :D

Well, it looks like I will be working for the same business over Christmas that I did last year. And because there are some changes to the family gathering and when Christmas actually falls this year, it looks like I will be able to work more hours. More hours means more money earned, which will certainly come in handy next semester. It's a very tiring job where I'm walking and bending/climbing ladders for 8 hours straight in a warehouse (okay, not during lunch), but at least it pays double digits per hour. So now I just need to work out what days and shift I want to work. Last year I worked 7 to 3, Monday through Wednesday. This year I think I'm going to switch to working 9 to 5 and try to get to the gym before work. That way, I can spend my evenings Christmas shopping or hanging out with friends--neither of which I can do at 6am.  But the other question is how many days will I work? I'm not sure yet if the artist will need me over the holidays. It's so iffy with her sometimes. I can carve out one morning a week for her, but she might email me the day before and cancel...which is annoying when I COULD've been scheduled to work at the warehouse. However, if I do work for her, I'd earn $5 more/hour than I would at the warehouse. So.... decisions, decisions. I've emailed the artist so she could think about whether she'd want/need me over Christmas (when her kids are off school), so guess I'll wait and see what she's thinking. But it's just really nice to know that I've got a job for a few weeks over break. Not much time for myself, but it's probably a good thing that I'll be keeping busy with no time to get used to being lazy. It would be nice to possibly get some reading done for next semester, but I think that's highly unlikely!

For weeks I've known that over Fall Break I would need to resupply my stock of soup in the freezer. So far, I've made up two batches of soup - Butternut Squash and a Harvest Soup (lentils, rice, veggies and chicken). I still need to make up several batches of my favorite White Turkey Chili - which is my preferred soup to carry to clinicals. It's also a "comfort" food for me too...great for exam week! But I'm kinda running out of time...I'm hoping to get through bulk of my test-studying today and that will leave me time to make soup tomorrow. I might have some time this coming weekend too, but really don't want to count on that.

Okay, back to studying...

Unexpected

For the past two weeks in my psych clinic, I have been talking with a woman who has been homeless since 2004. "According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, 20 to 25% of the homeless population in the United States suffers from some form of severe mental illness. In comparison, only 6% of Americans are severely mentally ill." (Link to data here). So far this semester, I have struggled in my psych clinicals to feel any sense of calling to that population in an intentional way. We have been reminded several times that wherever we go as nurses, in whatever field we chose, there will ALWAYS be patients that we will come across with mental health disorders... OB/GYN, Peds, Surgical, General Medicine, Cardiac, Home Health, Schools, Public Health, etc... So it IS important for nursing students to have this experience. It's usually the least favorite clinical, but I think for me, it has served it's purpose of opening my eyes to the plight of those who suffer from mental illness. And it makes me especially grateful for my stress and trauma-free childhood and adolescence years and for my parent's loving attention as they taught me how to live and cope with what life throws my way.

Today, my client's story really got to me. While her mental illness does significantly complicate things for her, I was struck by the plight of the homeless...and even more so, the homeless with mental illness.  Imagine losing your home. Imagine not having any family or friends that can provide shelter or assistance. Imagine sleeping on park benches in DC. Imagine having your belongings stolen as you sleep. Imagine having your ID lost or stolen. Imagine not being able to change your circumstances (with a job or schooling) because you don't have any way of proving your identity or education. Imagine being physically and sexually assaulted. Imagine living on the streets alone having hallucinations or delusions or paranoia due to a psychiatric disorder. Imagine not having any personal means to feed yourself, buy medicines, or get a shower.  Imagine not having a mailing address (which is important for any paperwork or government assistance - most of which require proof of domicile).  

Today I asked my client to list out some positives of staying at the psychiatric hospital (most of them want to leave!).  While she does not want to be there, she listed the following as positives, in order of importance to her):

1. Soft bed!!!
2. Inside protected from elements and extreme temperatures.
3. BINGO (chance to win good, useful prizes - like calling cards, personal care items, snacks...)
4. Three solid meals a day
5. Getting a chance to talk to people (other patients) and freedom to voice my opinion
6. Safe.
7. Fresh air (occasionally going outside--not common at the jail where she came from)
8. Access to medications.

Telling huh? Certainly all things that I take for granted on a daily basis!

Anyways, her story left me wondering what I could do as a nurse for the homeless population? What would it look like to be a nurse that primarily serves that population?  Would it be something I could do full-time? or is it more as a volunteer?  What programs exist in the major cities (with large numbers of the homeless) that utilize RNs in their list of services/programs?

I was kinda shocked when I started having thoughts like this while talking to her. Does this mean I should be considering psychiatric nursing as a field to pursue? I'm not sure. I still don't feel called to psychiatric nursing in general, but perhaps there's something here that I need to continue thinking about and researching. There are certainly opportunities to work with the homeless in my community now. And while I can't really add volunteer work during the semester, perhaps I can do some shadowing or exploring of opportunities over Christmas break.  I always have lofty goals of shadowing, but they rarely seem to come to fruition. I still haven't gotten to the jail/detention center yet or to the funeral home to witness embalming.  :( However, EVENTUALLY, it will happen!  Maybe I am just am too optimistic when it comes to my time?

Random Thoughts

Twenty pounds down! Have lost inches all over. Down a little over a size and half. I feel so much better physically and emotionally. I am very hopeful that I will meet my Thanksgiving and Christmas goals...and ultimately my graduation weight goals. Hard to know how that will translate in terms of size/appearance, but it will be what it will be. Just need to stay healthy! In the past, colds have usually taken me off track of my exercise regime. I'm hopeful that even if I do get sick that this time I will be able to jump back in quickly since my school and gym schedules sync so nicely.  Right now I'm soooo craving pumpkin cookies. I've got mixes here that I refuse to make up for fear that I will just consume them all in a few days. I'm scared to bake them up...but I REALLY want one. I'm thinking I might make a batch for my clinical group in the coming weeks...that way I can enjoy a few without consuming all 2 dozen! ack.

My back has been doing well too. I discontinued my weekly adjustments when school started and it's only been this past week that I've thought about scheduling an appointment with my chiropractor for a "tune up". My neck feels like I've lost a little ROM with side to side rotation. And yesterday my lower back was screaming at me during the 30 minutes I spent planting pansies for my boss [bending at the waist :(  ]. I wish I could afford a weekly massage or bi-monthly massage, but that will have to wait until I'm employed full-time.

This is my FAVORITE time of year. I love fall. I love autumn. I love the sights, smells, and romance of autumn. I love the nostalgia that comes with it of past autumns. And I just love the types of things and events that are planned for this time of year: corn mazes, apple festivals, bonfires, etc..  Sadly, it already feels like it's racing by, but in actuality the leaves have just barely started to change in places. I think I'm just feeling left out as school keeps me busy and makes it difficult to get out and enjoying the local festivals and events with friends. Plus I'm just feeling disconnected from my friends in general. However, I did get to join in a birthday celebration last night which was desperately needed, but I long for the day when I will be able to do things a bit more spontaneously and not worry about school deadlines, time, money, etc. 

I'm not in any mood to write about school. It's going fine, but nothing really to write about. The question I get most often these days is "Do you know what field or type of nursing you want to do?"  Yeh, kinda, but that's another post all together. 

I'm also thinking about where I want to be and live after I graduate. I have a GREAT place to live rent-free right now and the homeowners are not expected to return back for at least a year, perhaps two. Their daughter is returning from overseas in December I think, so that adds a bit of uncertainty into the mix. But in general, I need to decide if I want to stay here in Charlottesville or if I'm ready to re-launch in another city/state. Returning to South Carolina is appealing on some levels, but other than that, I have no idea where I'd want to go. I just know that Charlottesville is soooo transient and many of my very dear friends have moved away over the past ten years.  My personality is also such that I am a "here and now" kind of girl and despite my desire/intentions to follow-up with people and be a good friend, I am just lousy at being a persistent and consistent. Living overseas for a year unfortunately allowed for several friendships to fizzle while I was gone - they moved on to more fulfilling friendships and/or boyfriends/spouses. And now returning to school has made it difficult to be available - even when there are invitations out there. Unfortunately for my friends, I need to be pursued, otherwise the here and now gets to me. And sadly because I'm such a lousy pursuer myself, it's pretty like that my friends feel unloved, unsupported and abandoned. Everyone wants to be pursued in some measure to know that they are valuable to the other person. Being a friend is a huge weakness in my character and personality. I'm not sure why I'm wired this way, but I have theories that it's something from my past that continues to haunt me. It's something I'm aware of and want to change, but my circumstances right now feel so challenging, that it seems like it would be worse to try and end up disappointing people. Plus putting myself out there, is scary! I don't know about you, but I avoid situations where I might be rejected. So for now, it's easier to just not try. I can't be disappointed in myself or others this way. Bad reasoning I know. I have FOMO (Fear of Missing Out), fear of failure and also have fear of rejection. No wonder I've never been good at dating or had few opportunities. So I think the appeal of moving to a new community is the idea of starting over. Granted I will be forever linked with Charlottesville now that I've been here 14 years and the fact the my parents live nearby. However, moving and starting over is scary too. Thankfully I've got plenty of time to sort this out. I have to be here to complete school. I might as well stay until this house-sitting gig runs out...and perhaps by then I will have fought to overcome my weaknesses and will have learned to be a better friend. It sucks that I'm 37 and still need to figure out how to be a good friend. Isn't this something you learn in elementary school? middle school? high school? college? Man, I'm a slow learner. 

Cardio for Cardiac

I'm not sure if it's my new study strategy or not, but here is what went down last week.  Last week was the much  feared week of having first test in both lecture courses (Psych + Adv Med-Surg). Why schedule tests for the same week? Makes no sense, but hey, I'm not in charge.  I was also a bit nervous because the bulk of the first few weeks of school I was also preoccupied with my sister's wedding and I was not at all focused on learning anything. Only did what I needed to do to not miss any deadlines. So reading fell by the wayside, so going into the test I felt like I was behind and was literally going to have to cram it into my head.

I knew going into the weekend that my Wednesday clinical was cancelled due to my instructor having a prior commitment.  So I knew that I'd get a bit more time to study on Tuesday (no prep) and Wednesday (no clinical) for the Cardiac (Med-Surg) test on Thursday morning.  Psych test came Tuesday. Thought I did well, but got a B. Definitely not a bad grade, but I really felt good about the test and thought I had gotten an A. Bummer. I already knew that the Cardiac content was going to be challenging, so I had to figure out a way to force myself to stay awake and study. So Tuesday and Wednesday I worked typing up the content/answers in the Study Guides (these are basically objectives for the unit). So here is where I was brilliant: I took my lecture notes, Study Guides, medication sheets and took them to the gym with me. Gym closes at 9:30, so I left my house at 6:30 and proceeded to study while I did cardio! I got in TWO HOURS of elliptical and upright cycle (which of course kept me awake) while I studied! Awesome. There was certainly times during that second hour that I wanted to stop pedaling and stop studying...but I persisted!  And apparently it was sufficient enough for me to get an A.

Next test I won't be as lucky to get day off before my Med-Surg exam, so I will just have to focus on doing Study Guides earlier, so that they'll be ready to take with me to the gym the night before the test (also a long clinical day). The challenge for us is that we have clinical the day before a test...it just stinks, but that's how it is. I definitely plan to do this gym-study thing again. I would never do a two hour workout normally and I'd probably really struggle with staying awake if I stayed home on my couch... It definitely seems like a double win.

I'm delighted to say that I'm consistently getting to the gym about five days a week, sometimes six. I feel great, sleeping well and continuing to lose weight and inches. Have an optimistic goal of reaching my goal weight by graduation, which would be a REALLY fun dual achievement. The only downside of weight loss is the fact you do eventually have to change your wardrobe -- sometimes more than once depending on the amount of weight loss. Definitely not a bad thing to get a new wardrobe, but when you are limited financially it is a bit less fun to anticipate. I'm hoping that between Target, Goodwill and bags of old clothes that maybe I can survive for a while with minimal expenses. May not be the most stylish chick (wait, I've never been stylish), but at least I won't be wearing saggy pants. haha.

Another Cardiac Arrhythmia Video

In honor of getting through the week with tests in BOTH lecture courses...and getting a B on the Psych test and an A on the Med-Surg test (Cardiac focus), I will post yet another Arrhythmia video. Now it makes a bit more sense to me after having spent the past four weeks focused on Cardiac. Enjoy:



Next in Med-Surg comes Neuro. Time to bring out those Cranial Nerves again!

I'll post this weekend if I get a breather and tell you about my new study strategy for tests...

First Tests of the Semester

First tests of the semester are next week. Both. In the same week. What were they thinking?

Well, I totally lucked out. See, the majority of my class has Mondays off b/c they have clinicals on Wed/Fri while I have clinicals on Mon/Wed. They normally have a built in day at beginning of the week for reading/studying for class/tests. I don't. Mine day is on Friday - which of course tends to be the day that I say "heck with studying, the weekend is here!"  However, this past Wednesday, my clinical instructor told us that she's cancelling next Wednesday's clinical because she's involved in "Day of Caring" or something at the hospital. At first, my instinct was disappointment b/c we'll have to make up a clinical day at the end (always nice to get them done on-time and early). But then I realized that by not having clinical prep on Tuesday or clinical on Wednesday, that will give me almost two full days of additional study time for our Med-Surg exam on Thursday morning. This first test is "everything cardiac".  Diseases, disorders, dysfunctions, meds, physical assessment...  So it's going to be intense! My Psych test will be on Tuesday morning, but I'm less worried about that. The first few study guides were less about specific disorders and pathologies and more about intro to psych nursing and nursing process related to psychiatric care. While I'm definitely more motivated to study for the med-surg exam b/c I generally feel the Psych test will be more common sense...I really can't assume that- I will need to set aside time to review and focus on our Psych study guides.  I'm really nervous about these tests. Want/need to do well!

I didn't get much done today as I started back to work with the artist today. She's going to get my Friday mornings. I came home and was exhausted (from pool workout and work) and I napped for probably 2 hours. I've done a few hours of studying for med-surg (working on Study Guides) but I'm pooped and tomorrow's another full day.

Tomorrow I'll be going to the local airport to be a volunteer for their airport drill. Apparently there's going to be a mock crash scene, and volunteers will be crash victims or family members. They haven't given us much information, but we'll be oriented for a few hours tomorrow morning before the drill begins. I have to show at 7:30 in the morning and we'll be released around 2pm. I'm planning to head to the gym before hand (as not to waste precious study time tomorrow afternoon), but I've calculated that in order to make it to the airport thing on time, I'll be showing up at the gym when they open at 5:30. ugh. Don't even want to think about how early I'm going to have to get up.

That said...I probably should head to bed.

Oh, by the way...clinical prep for Day #2 went much faster. Got to bed about 12:30am --which allowed for about 4 hours of sleep. A HUGE improvement. I was still dragging during post-conference, but I did manage to get to the gym afterwards! Yay!

Torture Tuesdays

Well, my sister is married (yay!) and now it's back to reality of being a student nurse.

Last week was really hard. It was my first week of my Adv Med-Surg clinical (on Wed). But prep the night (Tuesday) before was BRUTAL. This semester we have lecture in the morning and then head over to the hospital to get our patient assignment for the following day and begin our work of gathering assessments, lab work, meds, & medical, family and social histories from the charts to be able to form our working care plan for our patient. I started my prep work at home around 4pm...and I worked all night. I think I got about 90 minutes sleep (!) before getting up to head back to the hospital. I was perky and alert for clinical, but started fading dramatically in post-conference! I skipped going to the gym as that seemed impossible. I went home and piddled around hoping I might get a second wind (yeh, right!) but I think it was about 5:30 and I decided to take a short nap...that short-nap lasted 10 hours! Woke at 3:30am, completely disoriented with date/time. I also found I had been sleeping with my bedside lamp on! So tired. I got up about 4 am and worked on my evaluations of my expected outcomes and cleaned up some of my working care plan-- all of which was due by 3pm on Thursday afternoon. Realized about 30 minutes before I was to leave for lecture that I had not done my clinical evaluation (of self)...so I decided to wait and do that AFTER lecture since I would have plenty of time.  

After all that, I ran home, packed bags for what I'd need for the wedding weekend and then headed over the mountain to get started on last minute wedding stuff. Silly me, I stayed up until 4am (!) working on our unique table identifiers for our guests. Then Friday morning I was up again early to head over to wedding site to continue working on getting stuff done in time for rehearsal. I was feeling pretty nasty as I had not had a shower since Tuesday morning (prep day) when I had showered after my aquatic class before lecture. I'm embarrassed to say that I never got a chance to shower or change before the rehearsal. I was so disgusting!! Stayed up late Friday night too working on lighting project for the dance floor, and then got up early to drive back to Charlottesville and back (about 90 minutes) with wedding clothes (yes, left them behind!) just to meet up with nephews and brother-in-law to set up chairs at the ceremony site. I did find a window of time to get my first shower on Saturday morning and wonderfully I got to take a second shower an hour before the wedding! Whew.

EVERYTHING went really well and came together in some cool, even unexpected ways! It turned out to be a BEAUTIFUL day (as planned, of course)! Two weeks prior we were looking at the possibility of two hurricanes...but one hurricane dumped early (all week) and the other went out to sea.

I focused really hard to get some good sleep the last couple nights. Made it to the gym this afternoon after Psych clinical...and now I'm preparing for another prep day tomorrow :(  Not looking forward to it. REALLY hoping that things will go much faster this week. I CANNOT afford to be a zombie the rest of the week, as next week I've got tests in both my lecture classes and will be needing to study all weekend, rather than sleeping!

If I'm going to get up and go to the gym in the morning (aquatic class) I had better get to bed!

Cheers.

WANTED: Motivation, Self-Discipline & Better Attitude

I'm already behind in my readings as we enter the third week of classes. Last year, on average, we had one unit per week and had a quiz almost every week (except on testing days). This semester we have fewer units and instructors might take three to four weeks to cover a unit. We'll have one quiz per one or two units, but we don't have quizzes every week like we did last year. Last year when there was a quiz involved, I definitely was on target with my readings... however, this semester I'm already behind in my readings. Why? Well I don't have that weekly quiz deadline to keep me on track...plus I've had other stuff going on (wedding mostly) that has had me distracted. But really it's a motivation/self-discipline deficiency that I need to get a handle on.  I really NEED to come to terms with the fact that THIS is most important. There is little else that takes priority over school right now. Not the gym, not weight loss, not laundry or dirty dishes, not checking Facebook (!), not my favorite TV show, not grocery shopping, not reading, not journaling, not BLOGGING (!) etc...   It's pretty pathetic that I'd procrastinate by cleaning my toilet!  I think it's more an emotional hurdle that's going to require dying to self and letting go of my resentment that after 100 days of summer, my time is not my own for the next 249 days. THIS is my work, whether I like it or not. Don't get me wrong. I'm enjoying nursing...but not the school part.

I despise doing assigned text book readings. I do well for the first three pages and then I start to get sleepy/distracted (um, like now!)...and then end up having to reread the same paragraph five times. I am a procrastinator too, which does not help. So not only am I not motivated or self-disciplined to do my readings...I wait until the evening when I'm tired! ugh. I need to get turned around and on the right track QUICKLY. Perhaps I need to start viewing my reading/study time like I do my gym time...and just GET IT DONE.

The wedding is the weekend, so I will have no excuses. The library on campus sucks (it's busy and usually all study rooms and cubbies are full), so the alternative is to go to the local library or to Panera. Panera's not great b/c I'd feel obligated to spend money (and eat food I shouldn't). The library branch near me is next door to my gym, so I really have no excuse. The only thing is that on clinical days, I wake early, am gone all day and then head to gym before heading home. So if I were to leave gym and go to library, I'd have to figure out how to pack (& heat) dinner --in addition to lunch/snacks for clinical. Sigh. Not sure it's sane to try. But I'm thinking at the very least I should attempt to try the library for Thursday afternoons and on Friday/Saturday.

After the wedding, I'm supposed to start back working for the artist on Friday mornings (provided she hasn't changed her mind about me staying on). I need the money, but school is a priority. Hopefully I can get this schedule/study dance figured out soon.

At least I got my substance abuse support group visit out of the way. I attended an AA meeting less than three minutes from my house one evening last week. It was a really great experience - although a few awkward moments for me when they went around the room and did the "Hi my name is... and I'm an alcoholic". What am I to say? Um, my name is Joy, and I've probably only had only two dozen alcoholic drinks in my lifetime - aside from communion wine. No, I didn't say that... basically I mumbled that I was a nursing student. Anyways, I survived and they they were pleasant/gracious - despite me feeling like I was crashing their meeting. I will say that it was encouraging to see that participation and discussion by group attenders was high. Now I just need to do a write-up about my feelings about my experience (and answer other non-meeting questions related to substance abuse and support groups).

Well, I think I've procrastinated long enough that it's time for bed. Tomorrow is Labor Day and I'm going to have to do some heavy laboring in my textbooks tomorrow. I think I'm going to have to turn my computer completely off - Facebook is just too much of a temptation.

Cardiac + Thoracic + Surgery = My Unit

Today we had a two hour orientation for our Med-Surg clinical. I'm on the TCV surgical unit. That's Thoracic & Cardiovascular. Very sick patients. Also on our unit is a 9 bed Thoracic Surgery Intermediate Care Unit (TIMU), which we'll  hopefully get assigned to towards the end of the semester.

From what I can gather from the hospital's website, the patients I'll be working with will be recovering from conditions or treatments/surgeries related to:

Cardiac - Aortic, Mitral, Tricuspid & Pulmonary Valve Surgeries, Coronary Artery Bypass, Aortic Dissection & Aortic Aneurysms, Atrial Fibrillation, Heart Failure Surgery/Transplant.

General Thoracic - Lung Cancer, Esophageal Cancer, Hiatal Hernia & GERD, Achalasia, Malignant Mesothelioma & Other Pleural Diseases, Emphysema & Lung Volume Reduction Surgery, Mediastinal Tumors, Hyperhidrosis, Indeterminant Lung Nodules, Airway Diseases (Tracheal or Bronchial), Lung Transplantation.

Definitely a lot of very interesting, very complex conditions which will hopefully provide many, many learning experiences! We'll only spend eight clinical days on the unit, plus one in ICU for this rotation/clinical. Very different from last semester where we were on the unit twice a week. I don't think there will be time to be bored...and I'm expecting Tuesday nights are going to be terribly long, but hopefully interesting. Last semester I got so bored doing careplan after careplan for knee replacements!

I think of all the units I could have been put on, and I am so glad to be one of the few students to be assigned to this unit.  Even though this cardiac & lung stuff scares me, I know it's a great environment in which to overcome my fear and it will help cement the theory I'm learning as I will be applying and experiencing it in the clinical setting! *BUT hopefully no one I know will be a patient there!!

My clinical instructor works on this unit, so she knows the staff and this population of patients well. She'll know where things are and know the protocols and the routine on the unit. And because she knows these types of patients well, she will be able to challenge us more than someone who doesn't normally work with cardio-thoracic patients.

Today after clinical orientation I decided it would be in my best interest to try to log on to EPIC (electronic medical records system) and see if I remembered my log-on info. Well, turns out my password had expired, so I had to call the help desk to get it reset. Then when I logged in, I had to search/add my instructor as co-signer, then needed to change unit preferences to this new unit and not last semester's unit. It took me about 30 minutes to get it all straight, but now I'll be ready to go when I go in for clinical prep next Tuesday. Only one other person from my clinical stayed and made effort to log-in and get things straight. While I typically enjoy helping people figure things out on the computer, I am going to be really annoyed next Tuesday if someone asks me how to access EPIC (when they see that I'm able to log-in). I don't think it's fair for them to steal my prep time (or any other prepared person's time), when they could have easily stayed after clinical today to resolve this for themselves. I just have a feeling that most stduents will be surprised that they will have issues logging in next Tuesday.

If you are a fellow student, and you are reading this, I HIGHLY suggest that you go early to your unit on your prep day (right after lecture) and attempt to log-in and get everything sorted out. This way when assignments are posted, you can get started right away.

• Chances are you will need to call the Help Desk (# is on the computer desktop) to get them to update your password. Be sure you have your user ID to give them. 
• Once you initially log-in to EPIC, you will have to search/select your unit. Use search tab...you can search "2 East" or "6 Central" etc... and hopefully it will pop up for you to select. 
• Then you will need to search/select a new co-assign. Last semester this was my clinical instructor. Thankfully my new clinical instructor is in the system because she works at the hospital. MAKE SURE YOU KNOW HOW TO SPELL THEIR NAME!
• Once you are into the guts of EPIC, you will realize that you need to change your preferences so that it will bring up your unit's patients. When I got in, mine still had my last semester's unit. It took a little "playing around" and coaxing from the deep far recesses of my brain to figure out how to do this. It was about 5 months ago since we learned to do this in our EPIC training. I don't remember the exact folder to look in, but there is one folder in the sidebar that will contain what you need. If you find your unit listed, you just need to click and drag it up and drop it into the "My Unit" folder (that was set up last semester). After you put your new unit in, you can delete your old unit. If you have a "My Patient" folder, just delete whatever patient (Mr. Jones) may still be in there from last semester, but DO NOT delete the "My Patient" folder. Once we have our patient assignment, you can drag that patient into that folder. 
• If you can't figure out how to change your unit, you will need to ask one of the unit nurses or PCA/PCT's. . .and hopefully they'll have time to help you.

I think I might be smart to write these directions down (with specific folder names) in the event that I'm at this same hospital next semester and have to figure this out again! I REALLY wish that the hospital had provided us with a written summary of our EPIC training that we can consult afterwards. But no. :(

Theme Song for Second Year

"Here Goes" was been my theme song for my first year of nursing school. It was my "fight song" or the "Rocky tune" that I played as I was driving into clinicals. It's been such a great song that I'm carrying it into my second year. Thought I would post again.



While I find it to be easily applicable to nursing school, I also like it as a reminder for other areas of my life and the goals I've made. Although I still find it hard to apply to "never loved anyone with playing it safe."

I'm not poor -- just economically challenged

So with my bank accounts dwindling + a significantly smaller scholarship this year + little to no regular income= realization that I was going to have to borrow money from my parents to get me through next August (or whenever I'd be starting a job). So I made up a budget, trying to account for everything, so that I could estimate what I would really NEED. After it was all said and done, I realized I forgot to factor in my chiropractic treatments. :(

When it came to gas expenses, I pretty much had to go with past history. But now that I'm going to be driving an hour to my Psych location once a week (about 90 miles round trip)...I started to get concerned.

So I just calculated all the miles I will travel to go to church, school, gym, clinical sites, and work. 248 miles a week.  And this does not include running any errands to grocery store or Target (which I'm hoping I will do on my way home from somewhere)!  My old car is not getting the gas mileage that it use to, so I'm looking at probably having to buy a tank a week now (now factoring in likely errands). I think this summer I've been able to go about 1.5 to 2 weeks - when I wasn't driving to my sister's for wedding plans. In my budget I planned for about 3 tanks/month...so it looks like I should've budgeted another $50/month. Anyone want to donate to my gas fund? ;D  Not sure how my friend's who commute out of town for work do it. Oh right, they have jobs that help pay for expenses.

I am hopeful that I will be able to keep working for the local artist about 4 hours/week. AND I really hope that the same place I worked last Christmas season will hire me back again this year. Not sure I can comfortably squeeze any pet-sitting jobs in with my crazy schedule, but the occasional one would be nice.

So it now looks like I'm going to have to be a lot more disciplined in saying no. No to dinner out with friends, no to new clothes (which I will want with continued weight loss) and no to anything not in my budget . . .  :(

I don't like to say no. I don't like to deny myself. But I also don't want to be in huge debt either.

Operation Organization

I am a pretty organized person. Not a neat freak for sure. Organized, yes. But to be organized I must have a plan. This semester, because of my desire to get to gym/pool regularly, in addition to being successful in nursing school, I now have a plan for arriving at all my destinations with what I need.

You see, I'm more of a night person. So I really should not wait until 5:30/6:00 in the morning to pack my gym and school bags or to decide what to eat for breakfast, lunch and snack. My schedule is full and requires me to go from one activity to the next without stopping by the house to pick up something.

So I have made "pack lists" for each day

Lists include whatever I need for Lecture, Clinical-prep, Clinical, Aquatic class/Cardio, whatever I need to shower etc at the gym or stay at my parent's house...and what I need to pack in terms of food (lunch, snack).  After a week or more of editing/modifying lists, I will shrink lists to a 4 x 6 size and then laminate them for repeated use. Gotta love self-laminating products!

I've done really well so far to show up at school or clinical with what I need - setting everything aside the night before... but add in another activity before/after and I just can't expect my brain to remember it all. Nothing like showering at the gym and realizing you forgot to pack underwear! Or showing up to workout and realizing you've forgotten your iPod (I've already done this twice).

At first I was just going to go with lists taped up somewhere, but then had novel idea of having baskets to throw stuff in (even a week early). I really did not want piles, so it made more sense to have a portable collecting station. Well, baskets were going to be too expensive, so I settled for Sterlite containers (which will be used LONG after nursing school). They were on sale (thank you, back to school) and a fun Caribbean blue.

I'm not sure yet where these will live day to day. Right now they are downstairs in my kitchen/den area, but thinking maybe they'd be better in the dining room (out of the walkway).

Perhaps I'll get better at remembering and I won't need the lists so much. But I have a feeling that as the semester wears on, I will probably be glad for anything that can help my poor brain get through the day.

First Day of the Semester

The highlights:

1.  Managed to get to my 7 AM aquatic class!
2. Arrived 10 minutes early to Psych lecture.  Which means getting to gym and getting ready at gym is feasible (It's consider success if you remember your underclothes -- which I DID!)
3. Did not flunk first reading quiz. Got 9/10. :D
4. Watch a long-ish film in class on the history of psychiatric care in the US. Very interesting.
5. Went to lunch with my best buds from nursing school.
6. Ran errand to Wal-Mart and loaded up on toilet paper. I've been loading up on all important supplies...this was the last one.
7. Came home to find out I had some how missed the 5.8 earthquake that hit no more than 35 miles from where I live. People in Ohio and South Carolina felt it... Me? um, no. But good news is that I have AMAZING shocks on my car. Since I didn't get to feel the "big one", I'm now contributing all rumbly noises to be aftershocks. Definitely.
8. Pretty much wasted my entire afternoon watching Facebook explode about the earthquake while watching local TV coverage.
9. Got GREAT news that we don't have to wear our smurf blue scrubs or lab coat for our Psych clinicals! Yes! So happy!
10. Now I'm busy printing off Med-Surg clinical paperwork for tomorrow morning's orientation and wondering what Hurricane Irene will bring to Virginia this weekend. Will it be enough to cancel classes on Monday (which would cancel clinical)? Hmm?  Not going to count on it with Irene still way out to sea.

Next up tonight: 

• Will review some dosage calculation problems and conversions. We've got THE big, scary dosage test tomorrow before our clinical orientation. You know, the one test that is not calculated into your course grade but has all the power to see you kicked out of nursing school if you score less than 90% (There are only 10 problems). 
• Prepare bags/stuff for tomorrow. I have a whole system set up (my next post).
• And perhaps some fun reading (since I'm obviously not going to tackle any school reading tonight).

Thankfully tomorrow is not a real clinical day. Otherwise I'd be going to bed at 8:30pm and getting up at 4:15/4:30am. THAT starts next week. :(

Oooh! literally as I was about to post, we had an honest to goodness aftershock. Initial report is that it was a 4.2 . . . (yay!)

 

All I've got is this weekend. . .

. . . and it's half over already!

*SIGH*

It's official. I am going to have to work my tail off like never before. I'm going to have to dig deeper like never before. I'm going to have to start taking performance enhancing drugs, drink liters upon liters of caffeinated drinks. Okay, so maybe not those last two, but I'm already terribly overwhelmed and classes don't start until Tuesday. I think it's the normal pre-semester shock when I open up Blackboard and there are a dozen more clinical docs (this time for Med-Surg). There's also something called "Simulation Day" on the Med-Surg calendar that pretty much sends me into a bout of tachycardia!

I did get some things crossed off my list this week, but I still have a few more that I'd like to get done before Tuesday - specifically, I'd like to get two more batches of soup made (not sure why I'm dragging my feet?) and my bedroom/bathroom need some attention desperately. I haven't done anything yet about my vacuuming out my car or getting it washed, but maybe I can get that squeezed in too. The homeowners are in town until Monday, so that has been an added distraction. And I dog-sat a few days for my aunt/uncle this past week, which prevented me from the above projects too. Thursday night I had a REALLY rough night with the dog (I think he woke me up about 6 times during the night and every time I dutifully took him outside afraid that maybe he had to pee.) So needless to say, I did not make my 6:15 aquatic class on Friday morning, and generally felt pretty fatigued/lousy all day on Friday :(

I'm beginning to think that maybe I'm being a bit optimistic that I will get to the gym 5-6 days/week.  Only two of those days are afternoons trips (after clinical), the other 3-4 days are early morning aquatic classes. The only way I'm going to be able to get up for those early morning classes is to make sure that I'm getting to bed on time. I am not very good at getting 7-8 hours of sleep a night. I'm a night owl, but my life requires getting up early.

Below is my traffic flow (schedule) for the next semester. You can see that my schedule is mostly school and gym at this point (and 4 hours of work) and I've filled in every other hour with "read/study" time. I am fully aware that I only have 24 hours a day to work with, so anything extra (aside from meals/travel time) like house-cleaning, paying bills, chiro appts, social outings will come from my read/study time slots. Monday and Wednesday nights will basically be reviewing/studying for quizzes/tests the following morning. Note I've included my wake and bed times (calculated for 8 hours of sleep). Yes, this is a very optimistic and terribly depressing schedule.  I honestly don't think there's any way I will get to bed on Tuesday nights by 8:30. Clinical prep you stay up until you are done--whether that's 10pm or midnight or later :(


My gym time should provide the necessary stress-outlet - all the while either helping me to lose weight or at least not gain weight.  Hopefully the Slimdown program at my gym will enable me to stay focused and motivated - or at least make me feel guilty when I don't get to the gym and re-motivate me to go.

So RIGHT NOW (!), to motivate myself to clean my bedroom and bathroom, I'm going to clean for 15 minutes and then read Book #2 of the Hunger Games for 15 minutes and then clean for 15 minutes and then read for 15...until I'm done cleaning. It could be that I will get so into the cleaning, that I will skip the reading. Here goes!

10 Days Left of my Summer Vacation

Greetings on a beautiful, sunny, warm Virginia day! Note I did not say hot. It's actually quite pleasant. I'm so ready for fall temps...but really not ready for what's about to hit a little over a week from now.

Our Psychiatric Nursing course has been posted on on our Blackboard and so I've been downloading all the docs that have been posted so far. Twenty three. Syllabus, calendar, and the rest are mostly clinical documents. No doubt I have killed a few trees this afternoon...  I'm so glad God gave me a bent for being a planner and organized. I'm definitely not a neat freak and definitely not obsessive-compulsive when it comes to bathroom cleanliness, but I am INSANE about staying on top of requirements, instructions and rubrics for school. It's the ONLY way to make sure that I don't forget anything or drop any balls. I hate looking incompetent and clueless, so it's pretty much a guarantee that by the time I step in to my first class/clinical setting, that I will have read every document given to me for that class. Yeh, I'm one of THOSE people who stop and read the instruction manual. 

If my Psych docs are any indication, this semester is going to blow my mind (no pun intended). I was reminded yesterday that this Psychiatric Nursing course is considered an intensive writing course. lovely. Well, at least it's not creative writing or a research paper, those I would need serious anxiety meds for. :/

Nothing has been posted for Adv. Med-Surg. But after being overwhelmed with the above twenty-three docs, I'm a-okay if they don't post anything until later next week.

So in my last week of freedom, I have the following must-do list (aside from work/gym):

• File VA taxes (refund)
• Get car inspected (expires end of August) + find out why the check-engine light is on
• Vacuum/Wash car (this will just make me feel better)
• Haircut (I know it's time when I can't remember the last time it was cut!)
• Do couple trial runs at downtown gym (aquatic class + getting ready at gym) in preparation for lecture days

And MAYBE, I'll get to watch an embalming at local funeral home next week. Need to remember to call.

(Which reminds me...I never did get to the women's prison to observe healthcare/nurses there, maybe I can work on that for during C'mas break)

In other news... I joined my gym this week and learned about their "Slimdown" program. It's a weekly weigh-in and 30 minute group discussion generally focused around nutrition and/or exercise tips. It's really more about behavioral modification than about calories in/out (like getting enough sleep, getting veggie's daily, etc..). I'm doing fairly well with food choices and regular exercise at the moment, but when the busyness of school kicks in, I will be glad to have a weekly reminder of my goals. The program is set up that it "costs" $20/month, but if you weigh-in weekly and complete an online record, they'll credit you back $5 per week (meetings/discussions are optional). So essentially if you simply show up, it's FREE. Who says no to FREE?! They offer four different times that you can weigh-in and go to the meeting, but sadly only one of them is feasible for my schedule. But at least there IS one. :D

Tonight I have to put Netflix on hold (end of billing cycle), as I do at the beginning of every semester. It's always a sad moment. But I try to counter it with noting when the semester holidays are: labor day, fall break, and thanksgiving break! Ah, the little things that carry us!

Later.

Clinical Assignments!

Today we FINALLY got our Med-Surg and Psych clinical assignments for the fall. For Med-Surg I am going to be on the cardiac unit at the local teaching hospital. I'm excited but a bit scared/nervous not knowing what we'll see or experience. I have a feeling I'll be dreaming EKGs and lab work!

Psych will be at a State facility over an hour a way. Despite the distance, I'm actually very glad to not be at the local hospital again as it's the ONLY place I've done clinicals so far. It will be very nice to have a different experience! The patients I'll be working with will be those who have been institutionalized, whereas I think the ones at the local hospital are shorter-term stays. I originally thought clinicals were going to be Wed/Friday, but somehow I lucked out and got a Monday clinical for Psych (not Friday). Rumor has it that Psych prep is different (not requiring trip to the hospital the day before), so I'm hoping that means that I can go stay overnight at my parent's house the night before, cutting 45 minutes off the drive! Woo hoo! Also, Psych clinical starts at 8 am (an hour later than normal clinicals). Nice!

Hard to believe there's a little over two weeks before classes start. Excited, but also sad to be heading into that crazy-life world again.

I'm seriously considering joining the local gym full-time. My temporary membership ends right before classes start, so I need to make a decision soon. While the fitness center at school is free, it does not have early morning hours and may not be available the afternoons when I need it. It's also closed weekend and during school breaks (holidays etc..)  The local gym is open all the time, plus has the aquatic classes I love AND is on my side of town! Why mess with a good thing? I've lost close to 10 pounds (although I can't really tell), and I'd like to keep the momentum. I'm looking at my schedule and thinking I could pull off a few early morning aquatic classes each week on lecture/prep days, and cardio after clinicals. It will require advanced planning on my part (swimsuits laundered, gym bag packed the night before, showers/getting ready at the gym in the mornings). The only thing that I worry about is getting enough sleep. Our class/clinical schedule does not seem to allow for much time to get reading/studying done (except on weekends)...therefore if I'm up late studying/reading, it will surely mess with my desire to get to gym early--especially if I'm not getting enough sleep. I will have to be extra focused this semester. Pfft. Humbug! No fun for me.

Well, off to figure out my "life schedule" for next semester now that I know when/where my clinicals & classes will be.

Five Weeks!

Only five weeks until classes start again! I feel like burying my head in the sand. I'm so not ready to go back. Sigh.  

I've already put together my notebooks for next semester for lecture and clinical. Just wish I had the Syllabus and Study Guides so I could print those out in advance too. That first week is going to be enough of a shock to my system--so getting stuff done in advance will be helpful.

My work hours are thin this coming week, so I'm planning to make quite a few batches of soup to freeze for this fall. I've been doing really well with eating fairly healthy this summer, but I know I will need all the help I can get--especially for lecture/clinical prep days! It would be nice to make enough soup to get me through Fall Break... and then during the school year I can just focus my energies on salads, veggies and breakfast. Or at least that's my optimistic plan. Lately I've been baking marinated chicken breasts in volume and freezing them (chopped up) so that I can quickly heat them up and throw them on top of a salad for a quick meal. Yummy, but can't do that months ahead cuz I think the meat gets a different texture after a while. :(  I'm also thinking I need to to come up with a better plan for lunch on clinical days. Cafeteria food is so full of calories and costs $$ but it's quick and like not having to pack a lunch at 5am. I need to start thinking about this and making some mental plans. But I'll probably have to wait and see where clinicals will be.

I'm working on putting together a fitness/exercise schedule that will work with my classes and clinicals. It will be challenging but I really don't want to undo all the hard work I've been doing this summer. My gym privileges expire right before classes start, so the plan is that I would switch over to the campus fitness center (free) once classes start. Right now I'm hoping/thinking that I will simply swing by and get in some cardio AFTER clinicals (two days). But that's ONLY if the center will be open during those house. The hours change from semester to semester based on if there's a class meeting in there or if they have staff to cover it.  It will also require packing an extra bag in advance and actually leaving house with it the morning of clinical.

I'm hoping we'll soon find out where our clinicals will be. I might have to travel over the mountain for my Psych clinical and that may make a difference in my ability to get to the campus fitness center during their open hours. But I also fear the reality will be that I will be too exhausted (up since 4:45am for C'ville hospital) to go.

This past week, I've finally gotten to take a couple aquatic classes at the gym. After an hour in the pool my muscles are so tired, so I know I'm working hard. And the best thing is that I always jump (not literally) in the hot tub afterwards - Aaaaah!  Love it. I only have about four weeks left on my temporary gym membership, so my goal is to hit the pool three or four days a week, plus hopefully 60 minutes of cardio two days a week until school starts. I'll definitely be missing the pool! I should look into possible pool memberships, but I'm guessing my time is going to be limited and definitely my funds are too!

Well, I'd better hit the sack...the pool and a day full of cooking await me!