My back has been doing well too. I discontinued my weekly adjustments when school started and it's only been this past week that I've thought about scheduling an appointment with my chiropractor for a "tune up". My neck feels like I've lost a little ROM with side to side rotation. And yesterday my lower back was screaming at me during the 30 minutes I spent planting pansies for my boss [bending at the waist :( ]. I wish I could afford a weekly massage or bi-monthly massage, but that will have to wait until I'm employed full-time.
This is my FAVORITE time of year. I love fall. I love autumn. I love the sights, smells, and romance of autumn. I love the nostalgia that comes with it of past autumns. And I just love the types of things and events that are planned for this time of year: corn mazes, apple festivals, bonfires, etc.. Sadly, it already feels like it's racing by, but in actuality the leaves have just barely started to change in places. I think I'm just feeling left out as school keeps me busy and makes it difficult to get out and enjoying the local festivals and events with friends. Plus I'm just feeling disconnected from my friends in general. However, I did get to join in a birthday celebration last night which was desperately needed, but I long for the day when I will be able to do things a bit more spontaneously and not worry about school deadlines, time, money, etc.
I'm not in any mood to write about school. It's going fine, but nothing really to write about. The question I get most often these days is "Do you know what field or type of nursing you want to do?" Yeh, kinda, but that's another post all together.
I'm also thinking about where I want to be and live after I graduate. I have a GREAT place to live rent-free right now and the homeowners are not expected to return back for at least a year, perhaps two. Their daughter is returning from overseas in December I think, so that adds a bit of uncertainty into the mix. But in general, I need to decide if I want to stay here in Charlottesville or if I'm ready to re-launch in another city/state. Returning to South Carolina is appealing on some levels, but other than that, I have no idea where I'd want to go. I just know that Charlottesville is soooo transient and many of my very dear friends have moved away over the past ten years. My personality is also such that I am a "here and now" kind of girl and despite my desire/intentions to follow-up with people and be a good friend, I am just lousy at being a persistent and consistent. Living overseas for a year unfortunately allowed for several friendships to fizzle while I was gone - they moved on to more fulfilling friendships and/or boyfriends/spouses. And now returning to school has made it difficult to be available - even when there are invitations out there. Unfortunately for my friends, I need to be pursued, otherwise the here and now gets to me. And sadly because I'm such a lousy pursuer myself, it's pretty like that my friends feel unloved, unsupported and abandoned. Everyone wants to be pursued in some measure to know that they are valuable to the other person. Being a friend is a huge weakness in my character and personality. I'm not sure why I'm wired this way, but I have theories that it's something from my past that continues to haunt me. It's something I'm aware of and want to change, but my circumstances right now feel so challenging, that it seems like it would be worse to try and end up disappointing people. Plus putting myself out there, is scary! I don't know about you, but I avoid situations where I might be rejected. So for now, it's easier to just not try. I can't be disappointed in myself or others this way. Bad reasoning I know. I have FOMO (Fear of Missing Out), fear of failure and also have fear of rejection. No wonder I've never been good at dating or had few opportunities. So I think the appeal of moving to a new community is the idea of starting over. Granted I will be forever linked with Charlottesville now that I've been here 14 years and the fact the my parents live nearby. However, moving and starting over is scary too. Thankfully I've got plenty of time to sort this out. I have to be here to complete school. I might as well stay until this house-sitting gig runs out...and perhaps by then I will have fought to overcome my weaknesses and will have learned to be a better friend. It sucks that I'm 37 and still need to figure out how to be a good friend. Isn't this something you learn in elementary school? middle school? high school? college? Man, I'm a slow learner.
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