Grateful

This afternoon in our Psych post-conference started noticing slight changes in my vision field. Yep, migraine with aura. It takes a while for the visual symptoms to pass, so I endured post-conference discussion and then hung around awhile after everyone else left. My clinical instructor, who also has an evening clinical group tonight, hung around and we chatted a bit. At one point she asked me something like "So, how has this semester been for you?" I further clarified that she was talking about our Psych clinical and not second year in general. I stopped and thought and replied, "It has made me so grateful." At which point the waterworks started. Not sobbing, but you know that point where every choked word is punctuated by fresh, hot tears?


This pysch nursing clinical has been so different from every other clinical. We aren't dealing with medical issues like we see in our med-surg clinicals. The acute needs we are seeing are primarily psychiatric. I have read and heard such heart-breaking histories of abuse, alcoholism, drugs, rape, homelessness, and jail. I can't help but be grateful for my sheltered, stress-free childhood where love was the theme for both good days and bad days. Punishment and consequences were love-oriented and never abusive or absent. And my choices in life have reflected that for the most part.


For the past ten to fifteen years, I've often looked back and wondered impatiently why my hopes, dreams for my life did not work out as planned or expected. But today I am just simply grateful. I have a good life, a VERY good life. Relatively unmessy and uncomplicated. My family is supportive, loving and healthy- not without our moments, of course. And even though I still have unmet hopes and dreams, these have become less big and less painful in the light of the stories I have heard and read about this past semester. I am counting my blessings.