Ups and Downs

Yesterday I was on campus for lecture and swung by the nursing faculty offices to ask question of my online Pharm instructor. While there I bumped into my clinical instructor and without me asking, she excitedly told me that I got an "S" on last week's Working Care Plan (WCP). An "S" is for satisfactory, of course. That's very good. It means that I met expectations and there was nothing wrong with it. I was shocked. I worked long and hard on it last Tuesday --maybe for 12 hours? --and then turned around and worked hard on it again on Thursday night to turn in on Friday morning. The reality is that we have to have everything done/completed (as if we were turning it in) by Wednesday at start of clinical, but the instructors do not collect them, because they want us to USE them (makes sense) for our clinical day on Wednesday. Then we take them home and evaluate our interventions (from our 3 care plans) and our patient's response...we can also proof read or finalize anything else that needs work and then we turn them in on Friday (our second clinical day of the week). We're not to be changing our care plans, but rather evaluating them and then adding a few sentences to the bottom about what revisions we'd make for the next day of care.

The requirements for our WCP have increased since last semester (+patho, +medication data sheet) and so I just assumed that with a new clinical instructor (who has been labeled TOUGH) that there was no way that I was going to get an "S".  Even as I was working on my evaluations, I thought of a higher priority nursing diagnosis that I should've used...so I really wasn't all that hopeful. But when she told me that she had given me an "S", I was so excited and relieved! We have to earn two S's out of the eight or so WCP's that we will do this semester, so it's good to have one "S" out of the way. Once I get my second "S", I won't be required to  turn my WCP's in for grading on Friday. I still have to complete them, but they won't be turned in to be graded.

Today, being Tuesday, is the day that all first year nursing students are feverishly putting together our WCP's for tomorrow's clinical. But tomorrow I am scheduled for my OR observation day, so I don't have to do a WCP. Yeehaw! I still have to get up at 4:30 and hit the road before 6:00 to park and catch the bus to the hospital, but this time, I won't be sleep deprived!  And I think it's possible that I won't actually get plugged into the OR stuff until 8:30ish. I'm really looking forward to it. I've already seen some heart cath procedures so I hope they put me in something very different--abdominal, transplant, ortho, lung, etc...  I think that we'll only be observing in elective or non-emergency surgical procedures.

Last week was just crazy all around. I felt like I was never able to catch up. However, I realized on Monday that part of my problem last week was that I worked 4 hours on Monday and on Wednesday evening as a standardized patient and therefore lost some good study time. Good money, but it did make finding time to do readings and study much more challenging. By the end of the week I was feeling pretty resentful that nursing school was consuming all my time and not really allowing for any "me" time. But with realization that I'm not normally going to be working--that helped to ease my heart/mind. A couple good things happened on Monday that lifted my spirits, so this week I've been in a better state of mind.

But I can totally see how I will have to regularly fight the sense of resentfulness towards school. I struggle with procrastination, but even if it takes all night, I will not do a sloppy job. I will kill myself to do it right-whatever I'm working on.  For example, I could've totally been slack with my first WCP thinking there was no way I was going to get an S, so why bother killing myself the first week? But no, I worked LONG and HARD on that WCP ending with very little sleep before having to get up for clinical the next day. I won't say how little.. but it's SCARY how little. But I HATE turning in slack work. It's just not me. I think it's a loyalty thing. See my Myers-Brigg profile ISTJ/ESTJ.

I just need to make time for myself. Hopefully something other than going for dental appt, eye exam, annual physical or to donate platelets...(ALL of which I took the time to make appointments for yesterday).  I think as semester goes on, these WCP's will become easier, as cutting and pasting with minor tweaking will be more of an option (especially for medications). I will also learn to relax my presentation standards for the first go around on Wednesday and then clean it up for final submission on Friday.

I'm also really frustrated because I thought was going to have a bit more time to exercise this semester since I'm only on campus for class one day a week. Perhaps it would just be better to plan a couple hour activity on Saturday morning or Sunday after church to get some exercise and catch up with a friend or two in the process. One day a week is not enough (especially since I want to drop some pounds), but it would help my mental outlook to get out into the sunshine and breathe fresh air. I REALLY miss the days when I was only working 9-5 and had my evenings and weekends free and I could go off hiking with friends for 5 hours or spend the day luxury reading. That seems forever ago. I've been doing school or school + work for the past few years and I'm tired of deadlines! Ha ha. I've just got to figure out how to find the time to take care of me. Life will never get any easier or any less busy. AND I still have two more semesters after this one...so I NEED to figure out how to take care of myself in the midst of meeting everyone else's expectations. At least I will have this summer to enjoy. I'm still wondering what I am going to do with those 12 wonderful weeks. Make money? Travel? Mission trip? Get married? (haha just kidding on that last one!)

It's hard to believe that I will be turning 38 when I graduate from nursing school in May 2012. Where did my 30's go? Oh yeh, Liberia + nursing school are the themes for my 30's. I'm not complaining... Liberia was an awesome experience that I feel very fortunate to have had. And going back to school after many years to pursue a career is something not everyone gets to do. And actually, going back to school --without having to work--is also something most people can't do. If I had a spouse/family/mortgage, going back to school would probably be the last thing on my mind and perhaps even an impossibility. I do know I'm blessed. Very blessed.

Well, I'm rambling now and it's time for me to head to bed. This might be the ONLY Tuesday where I will get 7-8 hours of sleep.

Joy